A Meeting with Freud and Disney
by cpk962008
Summary: When Hades goes to therapy with Dr. Sigmund Freud, hilarity will ensue.


Subject: Hades

Dr. Sigmund Freud leaned back in his chair, gazing at his newest pet project. The said subject was sitting in the big fluffy armchair designed specifically for times like this. Smoke curled around his feet, and his fiery blue flame of hair threatened to set the armchair on fire as he tried to reign in his temper.

"Alright Lord Hades, let us take this from the top, shall we?"

The aforementioned god opened his eyes, glancing at the spectacled man in front of him. He'd finally decided to call in the Doctor for help. Perhaps, together, they would get to the root of the matter, and he would be able to end his tyranny in the Underworld as well as salvage his relationship with Persephone. And maybe, maybe, he would be able to forgive his brothers.

He snapped out of his thoughts by the calm therapeutic voice of the Doctor, in whose hands a notebook and pen, poised over the page in anticipation.

Hades, coughed, and shifted in place.

"So how do we start?"

Dr. Freud smiled.

"At the beginning of course."

Hades sighed, then began to speak.

"After our Father died, because he was, you know, evil, it was left to the three of us to rule."

"By the three of us, you mean you, Poseidon, and Zeus, am I correct?"

Hades clenched hi jaw, and nodded stiffly, mentally counting back from ten like he'd been told.

"Yes. There was no easy way around dividing up the heavens, seas, and earth, so we decided to draw lots. It was only later that I discovered that Zeus and Poseidon, curse them to the fiery pits of Tartarus, had gone to the Fates for help."

The Doctor's pen could be heard scribbling furiously in the background.

"How so?"

"The Fates determine how Lucky each person is. Zeus went to them first, presenting an offering of a spinning machine and gold thread, in return for having Luck on his side. The Fates accepted the offering. Poseidon went second, and seeing that the Fates had the gold thread but were blind, crafted a glass eye for them to see with as well gold shears with which to cut the thread. The Fates accepted the offering, and Luck was also on his side. This all went on behind my back, so when the lots were drawn, I got the shortest end of the stick, being the Unluckiest. My Fate was to rule the Underworld, while Poseidon became the ruler of the seas and Zeus the ruler of the skies. I think that is when my hatred began."

Dr. Freud's pen paused, then lay down on the notepad.

"Were you resentful that they went behind your back, or that you were given the Underworld?"

Hades paused, and thought, his fingers tapping against the armrest.

"I think it was both. We were like the Three Stooges, and to think that my brothers would betray me like this was heartbreaking."

"The Three what?"

Hades looked at him then realized whom he was talking to.

He waved his hand about

"Never mind. You wouldn't know what I'm talking about."

"And as they each took wives, Zeus marrying Hera and Poseidon Amphitrite, I also began looking for someone to rule the Underworld with me. The only problem was that none could enter the Underworld except the dead. I craved someone tangible, someone real who I could talk to and interact with, and as the time grew longer, my craving only got stronger. I had begun to look for ways I could bring a woman down here when I found Persephone."

Dr. Freud motioned for him to stop and pulled out a letter from his coat pocket, handing it over to Hades.

"That reminds me. Persephone wants you to sign at the bottom of the divorce papers."

Hades' eyes bled red and the sheet of papers burst into flame, turning to ash and falling to the ground.

The Doctor moved his chair back several feet and cleared his throat.

"Now, now, don't kill the messenger…"

Hades spent several moments calming down then waved for the Doctor to continue.

"Let's change the subject, shall we? Let's talk about that Hercules fiasco."

Hades groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, not _that_. Everyone's been asking me what I was thinking, if I felt bad, blah, blah, blah. I don't see the problem."

"The fact that you were about to unleash the Titans on Mount Olympus didn't bother you?"

Hades sat up straight, his eyes narrowing.

"Is _that _what everyone's thinking? Goddess, no wonder everyone's shooting me death looks."

Hades swept his hand through his flaming hair and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Look, I wasn't _actually _going to let the Titans attack Olympus. I just wanted to save the day for once, seem like a hero. Maybe then my family would start appreciating me. I mean, look at all the dead I have to sort out, not to mention judge them, set them up in The Fields of Asphodel or Elysium, etc."

"And what about that Hydra that you sicked on Hercules?"

Hades laughed.

"That was a test, Doc. To see if he was worthy of being the son of a God, be it Zeus or not. I knew he would be able to defeat it easily, and I could always step in if it got too out of hand."

"How about when you captured that girl's soul, Meg was her name, was it?"

Hades steepled his fingers and leaned forward.

"Doctor, I can't show favor towards anyone. My job is to ferry and judge the dead, and on occasion, make deals. Hercules made a deal with me, and I carried it out. I will not show favor toward anyone lest it interfere with the Judgment process, not even towards my nephew. Maybe once upon a time I would have, but I've known the consequences of mixing business and pleasure."

His expression was wistful as he briefly glanced down at the small pile of ashes on the ground.

Dr. Freud leaned back in his chair and reexamined all his notes. All the bases were covered, except…

"Then why did you try to poison Hercules as a baby?"

Hades jumped to his feet, his eyes glowing and his hair reaching greater hights.

"WHAT! Where did you hear such a _stupid _thing like that?

Dr. Freud seemed to collapse into his chair as he nervously repositioned his glasses.

He managed to stammer out-

"But, but Mr. Disney made that movie about you and Hercules, and everything else seemed to add up!"

Hades' eyes grew brighter.

"Disney doesn't know what's what. Oooh, I'll teach that little bugger to mess with the Lord of the Underworld!"

He looked up at the ceiling, shouting:

"Just wait till you get down here, _Mr. _Disney! Your Judgment won't be easy. You'll burn in the fiery pits of Tartarus! In fact…"

And with not another word, he swirled and left the room.

Dr. Freud sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And to think, all those anger management sessions were for nothing…"

_Somewhere in Burbank, CA_

A certain Walt Disney was propped up in a hospital bedroom, calmly readin a book. He glanced out the window at the starry night, and smiled.

It was such a calm night ou-

Before he could finish the thought, a column of fire sprang from the middle of the room.

Disney screamed, ashamed as he was to admit it, and his eyes popped out of their sockets as he saw a figure emerge from the flames.

Hades stood there in all his glory, his hair reaching the top of the room and singing the paint and his hand grasping his trusty scythe.

"Disney!" he boomed, and the man in question shrunk into his bedcovers, his book falling limply from his hand onto the floor.

"I have a bone to pick with you!"

He moved forward, intending to scare the man into submission, but to his surprise, the man's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed, one hand clutching at his chest.

He paused, confused.

A misty figure appeared above the man and solidified into Walt Disney. He looked around, trying to orient himself, and froze when he saw his body on the bed.

Cautiously, he looked at his hands, realized he was dead, and screamed.

"Aw shut up"

Hades rubbed his head, a headache already forming.

"Nobody can hear you. Let's just get on with this."

He moved forward and took the ghost by his insubstantial arm, directing the two of them back to the column of flame that led to the Underworld.

As he stepped out onto the onyx floor of his palace, he looked at Disney, who was shaking in terror, and sighed.

This would lead to a lot of paperwork…


End file.
